CHILDREN AT CHURCH

I kicked a boy once.
Causing him to fall down
a loft. Another boy kicked me
once while my brother watched.
We were dogs in the house
of the Lord; vengeance huffed
our closets and halls. One squat
night of a summer retreat, we circled
a bonfire. Our brows spat
halos of sweat and deodorant
as we chanted our vows
to be inquisitors, martyrs, and if
the Lord willed it, Mary Magdalenes.
The new boy beside me said he noticed
my faith. Wouldn’t I join him
and the others for s’mores?
Between us, smoke convulsed. I whispered,
Lord, thank you for this test. I will
not fail you. I will resist! . . .
             I stepped into the gallery
of Christians and marshmallows
and CK One and the sudden nick
of a callous in his warm palm.

PAINTING OF MAN AND TREE

on Three Sphinxes of Bikini

As a child of God, I question nothing,
not even the man’s head

sprouting from earth.
I studied the trunk, the vertical

channel that suggested both wood and arching
muscle. I knew I shouldn’t linger,

not on its broadness and strength,
nor the abundance of that curly

summer foliage. I might run my hands over
a tree but never a man. Even a man

who is more than himself. Look there.
Within the leafy crown quiver human bodies,

bellies and thighs suspended in upward-
churning gas gasped from the site

of impact. The painting lives
in Fukishima. It’s true I don’t love God.

There was nothing he told me
that the back of a man’s neck did not.

*

Esther Lin was born in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil, and lived in the United States as an undocumented immigrant for 21 years. Her book Cold Thief Place is the winner of the 2023 Alice James Award. She is also author of The Ghost Wife, winner of the 2017 Poetry Society of America’s Chapbook Fellowship. Her poem “French Sentence” was selected for the 2024 Pushcart Prize, and “Cholera Is What My Grandfather Did During the War” was awarded the Crab Orchard Review’s 2018 Richard Peterson Poetry Prize. Her poem “Habit” is included in Best New Poets 2022, as is “Season of Cherries” in 2023’s Best of the Net Anthology. Most recently, she was an artist-resident at the T. S. Eliot House in Gloucester and Cité internationale, Paris. She was a 2019–20 Writing Fellow at the Fine Arts Work Center, Provincetown; a 2017–19 Wallace Stegner Fellow at Stanford University. With Marcelo Hernandez Castillo and Janine Joseph, she co-organizes the Undocupoets, which promotes the work of undocumented poets and raises consciousness about the structural barriers that they face in the literary community.